Danny Iachini’s Weblog

My Nerdy Stuff

Toilet Paper

Mom bought new toilet paper just recently. It’s the Charmin Double-Stuffed variety (that’s not what they call it, but in my head, I relate everything to cookies…), which is nothing unusual. We’ve always gotten Charmin – as far back as I can remember wiping myself. A few years back, they released the Double-Stuffed Charmin, and after it was on the market a little while, mom decided to give it a shot. We got the Double-Stuffed, and apparently my family liked it enough to stick with it. I was never really a fan though, because I’ve always been used to my method. When I was becoming potty-trained, my father taught me the proper technique for toilet paper usage.. he was rather anal (get it!? anal! toilet paper! HAAA!) :

  1. Count off 4 squares (this brings up another topic discussed below)
  2. Tear them from the roll
  3. Fold in half hamburger style over the middle crease (so now you have 2 squares, 2 sheets thick)
  4. Fold in half hamburger style again (so now you have 1 square, 4 sheets thick)
  5. Wipe and drop it
  6. Repeat steps 1-5

This is what I was taught, and I’m a robot, so I never changed my ways (until I got to college, where they don’t have Charmin, so you tear off the crappy (pardon the pun) paper with no precision). I used this method with the Double-Stuffed variety the first couple uses before I realized that I could dissect the two-plies and have double the paper! The only problem with this dissection is that the way the two sheets are held together – there is a strip of some sort of adhesive right down the middle, all the way around the roll. This adhesive is a pain in the butt (pun number three!) because you must slowly tear the two sheets apart, avoiding applying too much tension to the adhesive, so it doesn’t rip holes down the middle. I have hated how difficult this was, until just recently when I decided, “Hey, I can break the habit that dad got me started on, but still have a similar technique – tear off 2 squares (already 2 thick) and fold them once (so you have 1 square, 4 thick). It’s been difficult, because I’m so used to folding it twice – but I’ve managed.

Until just this week, that is! I noticed that the new toilet paper that mom bought has all these little poke-marks (I wanted to say divot, but apparently the divot is the loose piece of grass, not the hole..). So I gave my dissection a shot. I slowly started pealing the two pieces apart, and noticed that there wasn’t adhesive down the middle! The sheets come right apart! I applaud you, Charmin; you have made me a fan of your double-stuffed toilet paper now! (And you’ve given me a blog topic, so that’ll make Ed happy – he plugged me in his blog when I finally got back to mine a few days ago, so I figured I could give his blog a plug too!)

All right, so now you know all the details about my toilet paper experiences throughout my life (well – the one other one is that I was so worried about public restroom toilet paper when I was going to Governor’s School back in 2004 that I took a couple rolls of Charmin with me. I’d carry it with me when I went to the bathroom, and for that I got the crap kicked out of me. (one more pun! woo!)). I want to know about you guys! If you’ve read this, I want you to leave me a comment letting me know your toilet paper preference and/or technique! (I’m hoping I can maybe sometimes get my blog to spark conversations instead of just me blabbing on about something useless — and you cannot tell me toilet paper is useless – it’s a necessity!)

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August 20, 2007 - Posted by | General Stuff

2 Comments »

  1. Klitz! I am very excited that you are blogging regularly. I am also excited that you plugged my blog.

    This post was somewhat disturbing and grotesque, but good work!

    Comment by Ed | August 22, 2007

  2. You’re a good man, Danno. Glad to see you’re blogging again (too)!

    Comment by knappz | August 24, 2007


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